Get your head in the game

Darling, first of all, if you test drove this one before making the commitment how did you not realise he was like this? No red flags? Or did we just decide to ignore them? We all like a bad boy, but this is just bad manners.

This boy needs to get his head in the game, quite literally. Going down on a girl is nowhere near as traumatic as it is to go down on a man. Getting something shoved down your throat that could suffocate you or trigger that nasty gag reflex, ew. Also pushing down on your head when you’re already struggling, what the heck is that about?

Honey look, if he can’t reciprocate the love and affection you are showing him by doing the nasty then he doesn’t deserve it, full stop. We do however, have a few options here of what can be done in this predicament.

Seduce him. Get on that fine bra and pantie set, throw on some heels and red lip stick and parade around in front of him. Make him think this is his lucky night. Then throw on a nice dress and go out with the girls. No sex for him. Make him want you so bad he will do anything. That ‘anything’ being finally giving you what you deserve.

Perhaps he is nervous. These men are beautiful creatures (we do have reason to doubt of course), so for a moment let us give him the benefit of the doubt. He may have never done that for someone in the past, and this could be making him worried about getting down and dirty. That is completely okay! What needs to happen here is for you to tell him – and show him – what you want. Honest communication: I know this is a foreign concept to most of us, but occasionally it works.

If he doesn’t have a good reason for not doing this for you, though, or isn’t open to communication, give him the flick and then give yourself a flick. Slam that door in his face, get on Tinder and find yourself someone who cares about your joy. And then be petty and throw it in the ex’s face. We ain’t about that ‘rising above’ thing love, we are petty here.

Got a question for Ms Mallory? Write to us at unsa@newcastle.edu.au.

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